- Tuesday, December 06th
[trigger warning for eating disorders, fundamentalist christianity] Modesty taught me that my first priority needed to be making sure I wasn’t a “stumbling block” to men. Not being sexually attractive was the most important thing I had to consider when buying clothes, putting them on, maintaining my weight (can’t have things getting tight!), and moving around (can’t wiggle those hips, or let a little knee show). Modesty taught me that what I looked like was what mattered most of all. Not what I thought. Not how I felt. Not what I was capable of doing. Worrying about modesty, and being vigilant not to be sexy, made me even more obsessed with my looks than the women in short shorts and spray tans I was taught to hate.




- Monday, December 05th

blurgh blurgh blurgh. really wishing i’d done my persuasive speech on body positivity and fat acceptance

last week a girl gave a speech all about eating right, which yes, is a good thing, but most of her points were framed around ~THE DANGERS OF THE OBESITY EPIDEMIC~ and weight loss, and no, that is not okay.

then today a guy gave a speech about how EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE THEIR OWN PERSONAL TRAINER (let’s not even get into the issues of class, money, and accessibility there) and said something about how if you want to see what “great bodies” look like, just turn on the tv, because a lot of actors and actresses have really “great bodies,” and then about how there were also “not great bodies” on tv, too, so it provided good examples of what we shouldn’t look like.

he went right before me, and i was so tempted to make some snide comment about how great my obese body is, but it’s not a debate or conversation-centered class, so.




- Sunday, November 27th